Come to think of it, I really needed to let this out. Why am I taking this the hard way again? I'm not sure, I'm just that complicated. I shouldn't need to explain myself but here it goes.

   I've reached to the point where I can't be bothered to have feelings anymore. You were so special and you made me feel special. I've let you go for solid reasons. I know I was a nuisance to your life. That's why I decided to step back, but there was always that part in me who is still holding on to you. Up until now. And I feel stupid for doing so, A friend of yours had told me that you had found somebody else, well good for you. :) I thought we were gonna wait for each other, but I guess not. hmm, it's almost been one year but why haven't I completely moved on yet and let it all go?

   Why do I still have 4th of October as my phone's passcode? Why do I still have screenshots of our conversations? It genuinely hurt me to see you with my own bestfriend-- well she's not anymore but still. You get what I mean. I know I deserved to be hurt for letting someone like you go, but I wasn't sure if what happened after our break up was something you had done for my attention or was it just truly who you are as a person.

    When I saw how easy you moved on from me, I thought to myself, perhaps we are not meant to be. I pretended to be okay. But God knows how much it hurts. Yes, I was the one who let you go, but I wanted us to search our way back to each other one day. But I guess that's never gonna happen anymore. I don't know if you were referring to me in all those stories and tweets you posted on social media-- or was it for somebody else. I honestly don't have a clue anymore.

  The harsh words you threw at me and then the apologies that came through made me even far more confused. Who am I actually in your life? One second I'm a b***h to you, and another second I'm not. I wasn't able to let these feelings go and I fricking don't understand why. Whilst writing out your birthday message, I felt warm tears running down my face. And again. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY.

   Throughout this past year, I've came across someone who has a heart as pure as gold. Trustworthy, kind, thoughtful etc. But again, I ended up hurting him instead. All these past memories are still haunting me up to the point, I became heartless and cruel. I've pushed people away because I was so scared that these things will happen to me again like a cycle. But, I'm honestly just confused as frick. I can't get rid of these anxiety and fear. I deliberately treated him 'lebih kurang' only to make him hate me. So that he would go find someone better and live a good and happy life. Yet, I got hurt too during this tremendous process of mine. I'm just too frightened to get close to anyone anymore. Regardless of whatever nice things they'd done for me, I still couldn't find a way to accept them.

  And throughout this past year too, I had been crushing on someone for the sake of trying to get my mind distracted from things. It feels weird crushing on someone that I never hoped to get together with at all. It's all for the sake of pretending that I still have feelings. Lol. I don't know where this is going anymore but I think that's all I can put into words for now. And happy fasting to you guys.

- Peace and out.






Well okay, hi guys. I usually update my blog like once a year and well here it goes for the 2k16... 

Let's say it wasn't all that great but it ain't that bad either. 

First things first, I had eliminated all the toxic people around me (thank God), and now I'm living in peace due to the lack of human interactions and a decline of friends count like wohoo. This year is the year of me realizing stuff ;) I'm not kidding though... there is so much that i want to say here but my typing speed is not that compatible to the emotions running through my veins right now so um yeah.

I realised that I've been trying to make myself happy way too much this year but the truth is I'm still alone and empty. Exaggerating at some point becomes tiring you know? It's not that I'm not grateful for what I have right now, but it's just that I was searching for tranquility way too hard and eventually bored my self along the way. I think being on my own is the best for now.. well waiting for someone to like you back is not as easy as it sounds tbh (not that it sounds easy in the first place) lol but what is meant to happen will surely happen. So i'm not going to be wasting my time on things that are uncertain and therefore I had decided to welcome 2017 with the new me who barely gives a damn about feelings anymore (Let's hope this works out)..

After all, my grades need my attention more than anyone currently. Maybe I was used to having somebody checking up on me, well not anymore :) so things are surely going to be different next year. I also had decided that no one other than my family deserves my time and all so ;

To: the person I like
From: Morsy

If you don't notice my  existence and well try to give a damn effort or a piece of acknowledgement, then you sir are not worth my time. It's your loss. Goodbye. 

But if you ever intend to change your mind, please do so. Huehue

(Writes the above short, traumatizing and hurtful paragraph in tears mixed with a dash of blood)

So yeah, 2017 is the year I'm going to get it all together and save my grades, finish my SACE with a surprising 92 ATAR and acquiring an offer to UNSW in Sydney i hope!!! If God wills

So long suckerz!!! ;p

Do you know how it feels like to be missing parts of things that is needed to complete? The times when you get frustrated and upset at yourself for being such a useless clutz, and yes a moron. You know how when you make your bed and there are still areas that are not stretched to the requirement of a 5 star hotel, like the Hilton perhaps? So, you get on the bed in hopes of trying to make things better but you end up ruining the other parts of the bed that was already stretched perfectly. You see how some things you thought can make things better had just made it a whole worse? At that exact moment too... you would contemplate on yourself of how ruined your life is and how your great work has been destroyed. After a few seconds, you will eventually realise you're making such a huge fuss over a damn bed.


Your happiness is the source of my happiness. I'd do anything to keep you happy. I don't want to get in the way. But whatever happens, just don't let me go. Please.



A year has passed and it has been an incredible one. Who would've thought a random stranger I came across and knew off the Internet could mean so much to me  :') 


A simple greeting was all it took. As people kept reminding me " Choose the one, you always felt at ease". I guess he fits into that picture. No matter how grumpy I may be, how reckless or insecure I am, he always reassured that those little things didn't matter in life. He told me what's real and what's not. No, he's not those typical and clíche ones where he would say those lines from a poem or novel. No, he has his own style. No, he's not obvious about it. His little actions are leggit. All those things he said indirectly, makes my day. 

Who else would tolerate with this annoying human being? Who else would listen to my problems despite how stupid or unsignificant it is? Who else would listen to me ranting on some sick football fan wars? Who else would still lend me an ear when I decide to fangirl over some characters or actors or footballers? Who else would listen to all the silly things I've done and still think it's funny?

He would.

He treats me like he's trying to win me everyday and that won me over.

Yours sincerely,
Princess Bubblegum.

In recognition of 4th of October. 






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